I kept coming back to Pattaya for thirteen years. In the third bar on Soi Honey I met Jib.

I'm Dutch, was 42 at the time, had been divorced two years and was trudging through life with a handful of dates going nowhere, when two workmates who visited Thailand regularly suggested I come along. Being single, I thought, why not.

That was 2010 and I knew absolutely nothing about the country.

The lads took me straight to Soi 6 in Pattaya and my eyes nearly fell out of my head. I remember standing frozen in the middle of the street, suitcase still in hand because we hadn't even been to the hotel yet, not quite knowing where to look first amid all the neon and the noise. First trip, completely inexperienced, and without them showing me the ropes, which bars were worth it, how to haggle a tuk tuk, when to just smile and keep walking, I'd have been in a right mess.

I ignored their advice about not eating Thai food every day and by day five I was flat on my back, unable to move, fever and my stomach in bits, cursing every spicy dish I'd ordered so enthusiastically that week. A girl who worked reception at the hotel, who'd watched me shuffle past looking worse each morning, took pity on me and sorted me out with medication from the pharmacy round the corner without me even asking. 48 hours later I was back on my feet, grateful and making up for lost time.

I also ignored the three-day rule the lads had gone on about so much. I ended up meeting a woman in one of the bars nearby and had her company for ten days straight, dinner together every evening and walking the night market once the heat finally eased off a bit. She was brilliant, funny, genuinely caring, the kind of person you don't expect to find on a first trip like that. Eventually I told her I wanted to spend the rest of the holiday with my mates, who had come out with me after all, and we parted on good terms, no drama of any sort and no promises either of us intended to keep.

Came back every January for years, like someone marking a fixed date in the calendar they weren't willing to miss. Each trip better than the last. Cambodia with a girl I met in a bar in Pattaya, crossing the border by bus with nothing more in mind than seeing the temples and ending up staying nearly a week longer than planned. The Full Moon Party on Koh Samui, fluorescent paint head to toe and a sunrise on the beach I still remember clearly. And one night meeting a stunning woman in a 7-Eleven at midnight when I'd only gone in for water after a long night out. Pattaya kept producing those moments, one after another, year after year, without me ever quite tiring of it.

Managed three weeks in Pattaya in early 2020, right before lockdown hit, with no idea what was coming for any of us. Met a Bangkok woman called Pom, brought her down to Pattaya for a few days, and she loved eating, sleeping and partying, in that exact order, with no complications or demands attached, and I couldn't fault a single thing she did.

Dropped her back in Bangkok and flew home, and then the world stopped dead. We stayed in touch on Line throughout COVID, sporadic messages that got further and further apart as time went on.

Went back in 2022, six weeks this time, but Pattaya was still heavily restricted. Masks everywhere, bars closing at 9, Walking Street shut completely.

Met up with Pom for a few days, and caught COVID despite two full years of wearing a mask back home. Spent the first two days of that leg of the trip on Phi Phi Island, stuck in the hotel room, unable to leave.

Got better on day three. Came back to Pattaya and normal service resumed as if nothing had happened.

Last ten days of that trip we were walking back from the beach when I suggested taking a different route, through Soi Honey, just for a change of scenery.

I went back that same night, purely out of curiosity, no expectations attached, and in the third bar I walked into I saw a girl sitting alone on her phone, not bothering with anyone around her, not even the other customers clearly trying to get her attention. I asked her over for a drink, a bit braced to be told where to go, as I probably deserved after all these years of seeing how things worked out there. Her name was Jib, 29 years old, from Isaan, and she told me, without making much of it, that she'd only been in Pattaya three weeks after a ten-year relationship ended that had left her fairly bruised.

I've heard that exact story a hundred times over the years, but I checked her social media thoroughly over the next few hours and her timeline backed it up, post by post.

The following evening we went out with one of my mates and his girl, and the four of us had an amazing night together, plenty of laughs and a few too many rounds.

We spent the last week together, including four nights on Koh Samet, which was practically empty because of COVID, barely any tourists or noise, just the sound of the waves and the odd beach dog wandering past the bungalow. Two beach bungalows five metres from the water for 300 baht a night, with a fan that made more noise than breeze but by that point neither of us cared. Brilliant, honestly, the kind of thing that only happens when the whole world's turned upside down.

I'd never let a girl come to the airport before. This time I did. She cried, and so it goes, with that knot in the stomach you don't expect to feel after just a few weeks.

Went back six weeks later and rented a condo in Jomtien, away from the nightlife, specifically to see how we actually got on without Pattaya and all its distractions surrounding us, just the two of us and a tiny kitchen with two hobs that barely worked.

She cooked Thai food every day, dishes I still couldn't name half the time, we had a great time, no dramas of any kind and no arguments over nothing. Asked her to be my girlfriend when I got home, an ordinary afternoon sitting on the condo balcony watching the mopeds go by. Couldn't believe I was doing it, after all those years being careful, but there it was, said and done, no second-guessing.

She left the bar and got a job in a hotel. No sick buffalo stories, no broken tractors, her family in Isaan were comfortable enough that she didn't need to send money back. That helped clear a lot of doubt out of my head.

June 2022 we did two weeks in Vietnam together, starting in Hanoi and working down to Saigon. September I drove a hire car up to meet her family, five hours out of Bangkok with a headache the whole way thanks to the roads.

First farang ever to visit that village apparently, in its entire history. A night of beer, food, and aunts and uncles turning up from everywhere just to get a proper look at me. I enjoyed every minute of it, even without understanding a single word being said around me.

Then Koh Chang for a week, hired a whole house with its own pool and sea views, a proper holiday with no rush to do anything in particular except be together. Relationship going well, and for the first time in years I stopped counting down the days until my flight home.

December 2022 she told me her father would sell me an acre of land near the family home for her to build a house on. I knew exactly what that meant and I bought it anyway.

January 2023 I drove up to Isaan, did the paperwork, paid by bank transfer, documents all checked out properly. I fully understand that if things go wrong that money is gone for good. And I'm at peace with that. The land is hers regardless of what happens between us, and nobody can take it away from her.

I spent years avoiding any kind of relationship with a Thai girl after reading all those horror stories. Then I met Jib and that was that, and here we still are. No regrets, so far.